Teach English in Huangni Zhen - Anqing Shi

business englishCommunication Styles At all times when we speak, our choice of style we use is based on one of four basic communication styles: assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive. Below we look at each one and point out their functions in further detail. Assertive Communication The most effective and healthiest form of communication is the assertive style. It's how we naturally express ourselves when our self-esteem is intact, giving us the confidence to communicate without games and manipulation, therefore revealing our true natural self and character. When we are being assertive, we work hard to create mutually satisfying solutions. We communicate our needs clearly and forthrightly. We care about the relationship and strive for a win/win situation. We know our limits and refuse to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us. Surprisingly, assertive is the style most people use least. The reasons why it is the style least used are many and these often depend on the circumstances. However we must also note that there is a relationship between what the society amongst us expects out of us. We therefore often choose to reflect in line with the expectations of our society or the people around us, not necessarily our own personal views or the way we would like to deliver a particular message. Aggressive Communication Aggressive communication always involves manipulation. We may attempt to make people do what we want by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using intimidation and control tactics (anger). I have often seen this in political leaders in Zimbabwe, where I come from. Secretly or openly, they simply want their needs met - and right now! Although there are a few arenas where aggressive behaviour is called for i.e.sports or war, it will never work in a relationship. Ironically, the more aggressive sports rely heavily on team members and rational coaching strategies. Even war might be avoided if we could learn to be more assertive and negotiate to solve our problems. From a business point of view, we often here sales teams and marketing professionals refer to aggressive sales approaches, while that has its positives, there is still a need of combining the two with assertiveness and diplomacy, otherwise the whole sales process risks potential customers walking away and finding alternative suppliers that tend to have a more assertive communications strategy. Passive Communication Passive communication is based on compliance and hopes to avoid confrontation at all costs. In this mode we don't talk much, question even less, and actually do very little. We just don't want to rock the boat. Passives have learned that it is safer not to react and better to disappear than to stand up and be noticed. Upon taking a closer look at these people, one would often find that there are confidence underlying issues that may need to be dealt with by trained professionals. Passive-Aggressive Communication A combination of styles, passive-aggressive avoids direct confrontation (passive), but attempts to get even through manipulation (aggressive). If you've ever thought about making that certain someone who needs to be "taught a thing or two" suffer (even just a teeny bit), you've stepped pretty close to (if not on into) the devious and sneaky world of the passive-aggressive. This style of communication often leads to office politics and rumour-mongering. So now what? Clearly, for many reasons, the only healthy communication style is assertive communication. Surely you can identify many people in your own life that favour each of the four styles. Most of us use a combination of these four styles, depending on the person or situation. The styles we choose generally depend on what our past experiences have taught us will work best to get our needs met in each specific situation. If you take a really good look at yourself, you've probably used each throughout your lifetime. Understanding the four basic types of communication will help you learn how to react most effectively when confronted with a difficult person. It will also help you recognise when you are using manipulative behaviour to get your own needs met. Remember, you always have a choice as to which communication style you use. If you're serious about taking control of your life, practice being more assertive. It will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt and build relationships - both personally and professionally.